A New Year

Happy New Year to all of you!! I hope that looking back on the year you can all say that it has been a good one for you, and look forward to the next with excitement.  2011 was wonderful to us.  I gained a very special niece and became a mother and so I'd say that's a pretty enormous year.  Luck has touched me so many times, through my pregnancy, delivery, and new mamahood.  I love what the year has brought, how it has changed me, how it has completely changed our lives.  I'm ready to dive into the next year with so much excitement.  There are so many more firsts to look forward to this next year with Henry, with our family, big adventures to be had, hopefully another handful of good changes for us. I've never been huge on formal New Years resolutions, but each year I always give a bit of thought to the things I'd like to accomplish, or what I'd like the year to look like.  Then the year takes its own course... But this year I'm hoping to take more trips, organize my blog, video tape more, take more pictures ( is this possible??), take better pictures, keep our house cleaner, do more crafting, exercise and cook more, but mostly... be as present as possible in daily life with Henry because if 2011 has taught me anything (and it absolutely has), it's that time really does move too quickly.  Watching the ball drop on tv moments before 2012 arrived, my sappy-ness got the best of me and I found myself slightly teary thinking about the fact that it's no longer the year we had Henry.  It's the year he turns one, and it just seems like that time couldn't possibly be here already.  I'm so looking forward to what this next year will be like though, so I hope to slow down and just enjoy every single bit of it. It will be an exciting year of firsts for this boy of mine and I'm happy for that.  I hope each of you has something you're looking forward to in 2012, and I so hope that it's a healthy and happy year for you and your families.

We are celebrating with a little trip-- we head out tomorrow morning to a cabin in the middle of no where near Seward, AK. We will drive a couple of hours to the trail head, then hike a few miles up the mountain to the cabin.  It should be beautiful and hopefully relaxing!  We are packing simply, but making food half of our gear.  We figure we don't need much to get by or entertain us, but celebrating with friends and delicious meals is worth the extra pain of dragging it all up there :) Sounds like a wonderful way to welcome another year of adventures together as a family. You'll be hearing all about it when we're back!

I tried not to get ranty.

I just have to share this post from one of my favorite bloggers on one of the subjects  I feel most passionately about. Breastfeeding. Specifically, in reaction to the recent drama with Target employees asking a nursing mother to move and hide what she was doing, and I couldn't say it any better than Kristin does in her post.  I never try to prove a point when breastfeeding. I don't try to let my boobs hang out freely so that everyone can see it just so they know that I support one of the worlds most natural things.  But I do make absolute sure to nurse Henry in comfortable places, wherever that may be.   I think it's terrible to ask a nursing mother to go to the bathroom, to face a wall, to somehow hide fact that she's feeding her baby.  I have never once nursed Henry in a bathroom, because I would never choose to have my lunch on the toilet. I respect everyone's right to feed their child however they want to.  If that means covering in public, or pumping and feeding the milk from a bottle that is absolutely fine.  Like I said before, I don't just leave my breasts out for the world to see, but I also don't use a cover because a. Henry doesn't like a blanket on his head when he eats, b. I agree with this blogger that I show WAY LESS boob than half of the people I see out in public just in their regular clothes when I breastfeed, and c. because I think that showing that breastfeeding is normal is the best way to help other people realize that it is.  The more you see it, the more normal that it becomes for some people who haven't been around it much before.  I understand everyone has different views on this, and while I find it more than appropriate to freely breastfeed anywhere and everywhere, obviously not everyone does.  I just wish people would have a bit more respect, for a woman's right to feed her child and for the baby's right to be fed when they need to be.  

Christmas Was Good To Us

There was coffee and quiet time by the Christmas tree while Eric and I anxiously waited for Henry to wake up... the one day the boy chooses to sleep in of course. There were big smiles as Henry opened his gifts from Santa-- Books, wooden puzzles, more books, a pushy walker contraption that he likes to stand with, balls, a bead maze, and the very best thing, leftover wrapping paper tubes and tissue paper.  He isn't hard to please.
We feasted on a Swedish breakfast, relaxed with Eric's family, opened more gifts, and I spent the day feeling amazed that it was our son's very first Christmas. An oh-my-goodness we have a child moment. All day long.

Tree lovelies

Merry Christmas to all of you!!  I'm a bit late in posting this, but really it drives the point I'm about to make right home.  It's fitting. I'm giving a peak into what  Christmas decor looks like around our house this year-- our first few months in this house, and our first Christmas as a family of three. (plus our pup Finn. I always feel guilty if I don't say family of four for some reason.)  Anyway, like I mentioned last week, I'm a bit of an under achiever when it comes to the holidays.  I love the Christmas season, I just never put forth enough effort to have a perfectly decorated home.  I also fall short during the holidays in other ways, but not for a lack of effort.  Or maybe it is. I am usually late in sending things, or getting cards done and mailed, etc.  It makes me sound awful, but I swear I'm not just lazy.  I guess it's just one of my things. Anyway, despite the fact that the only decorations happening around here are those hanging on our Christmas tree, and our stockings that are hanging from our breakfast bar for lack of anywhere else to put them, I love what we do have to remind us of Christmas. Our ornaments are random as can be, but I love random.  Random fits me in a number of ways, it fits this family.  This years "theme" when picking and creating ornaments was things that won't shatter if, say, a 9 month old rips them from the tree and puts them straight into his mouth. So here is what hangs in our tree for just a few more days. I loved how our tree turned out, it was the strangest Christmas tree I've seen and I love it for that. It will be one that I'll remember for years.  We got it a few weeks too early, and the poor thing is mostly brown and dead, half of it in a giant needle puddle on our floor. I dread the clean-up as I'm sure we'll be finding pine needles all year. 

Henry's sweet baby handprint

We've had these owls for a few years, and I love them the most this year because when I was pregnant we bought so  many owl things for Henry. 

Felt roses I made in red and oatmeal. From here

I love this pair of birds. Can't remember where they are from. 

A new one I picked this year, from Target

Sent this year from my Mama, elephants are my favorite.  This one is keeping a naked branch company. 

Yarn balls in oatmeal, green, and purple. These are so easy. 

Some of the unlucky, fallen ornaments. Pulled down by babies!

So that's that.  And for the record, most of my gifts did arrive on time. :) And I did order holiday cards, so maybe I'm improving? 

                           

When I'm Reminded To Be Really, Really Thankful

I almost got completely slammed by a jeep yesterday.  I was out grabbing lunch and heading back to work, when the jeep facing me in oncoming traffic started sliding out of control at a strangely fast speed.  He spun across the center line and came at my side of the car as I swirved trying to avoid it.  I was sure we were about to hit and was just waiting to feel the weight of the vehicle, but we literally missed by inches. JUST SCRAPED BY.   The jeep then continued to slide backwards behind me and as I headed down a hill I wasn't able to see if everyone behind me was as lucky as I had been to have avoided an accident. I hope no one was hurt. My first thought as I continued driving was how glad I was that Henry wasn't in the car with me.  Just in case I hadn't been able to get out of the way in time.  I told Eric about the incident, my voice and hands shaking, and I just had an image in my mind of how differently things could have turned out.  I'm not trying to be dramatic and all I-nearly-died or anything, I'm just saying that this particular situation came very close to turning out much worse.  We were driving about 35-40mph.  Not incredibly fast, but enough so that had we hit head on it would have been scary. It had the wheels turning in my mind the rest of the day, just how lucky I am every day to have 2 boys waiting for me at home (3 counting Finn dog!) that I get to return to. I have a roof over my head, fun moments and experiences to laugh about and friends to laugh about them with, delicious food to eat, a great job, a cozy bed to slip into at the end of the day.   Those things along with a million other small things that I am so grateful for.  I have replayed those few moments in my head again and again and am still unsure of how the driver of that jeep was so out of control, it's almost as if the gas pedal was being pushed the entire time. I wasn't able to see or focus because I was busy trying to dodge it. All I know is it was a close one, and I was so thankful for the opportunity to come home at the end of the day, and hug my sweet boy who was giggling with glee about his Mama walking in the door.
I hope every single one of you stays safe on the roads this season (and always!) Don't I sound all mom like there?
-V

Let's just call it what it is.

I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world. I'm sure of it. No matter how wonderful my intentions may be, and though I do follow through with things I plan on doing, I do it all late. Constantly. Blog projects? Woops,  how about next week?  Holiday cards? Let's make them New Years cards... Christmas gifts? I'm totally that person scrambling in the chaos on Christmas Eve.  I've always been the person who packs just before leaving for the airport, or as I'm on my way out the door to move to a new house.  I was always the one writing papers the day before they were due (although in my defense, my better work was produced under a time crunch).  This year is no different, sadly.  I've been busy up here just trying to keep up with the holidays, mail my packages out (they were late, sorry family!) buy last minute gifts, wrap, etc. I don't know why I struggle with time management, but it is what it is. I'm not lazy, or flaky, I just like to think I'm relaxed. (ha!) I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this, but I do hope that some day I can rise to the occasion and get things done a bit earlier.  I'm not holding my breath.
I hope you're all feeling relaxed and more prepared for the holidays! This week before Christmas is always exciting.

The Birth of Henry, again.

You might be thinking, isn't it a little late to be sharing a birth story, 8 months after it took place?  I shared a quick version of the story shortly after Henry was born, but I wanted to share this version that is going on our birth center's website.

Henry Vincent was born on March 31, 2011 at 9:49 on a snowy, sunny morning.  I was four days past my due date and had been feeling as though I was to be pregnant for the rest of my life.  My sisters had delivered their babies before their due dates, and my cervix was very ready to go so we thought I would follow the pattern and deliver early as well.  I knew that it was more common to be "overdue" as a first timer, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated to not be in labor yet.  I was so excited to experience it, and to meet our little boy.  I had been checked a few times and the day before going into labor I was 5cm dilated and almost completely effaced.  I asked myself why I wasn't in labor when my body was so ready to do it. I had been having cramps and mild contractions on and off for days, even weeks, some were even predictable the days leading up to labor, but they always disappeared.  My family was in town and I was feeling the pressure to get the show on the road. For whatever reason, Henry just wasn't quite ready, and I tried hard to trust his timing.  I knew things would be smoother if I let him come when he was ready to.  So all I did for those days was walk, and bounce. Over and over again, just to feel like I was getting somewhere. I was so insanely swollen and I didn't want to be pregnant another moment, but looking back I'm glad I had a few extra days to enjoy that feeling inside, of a squirmy baby I would soon meet.
The morning of the 30th, I went in for a visit with Barbara, she thought she'd be seeing me back at the birth center before long.  She suggested I keep my arms folded over my belly to encourage Henry to move lower, so that is what I did--all day long.  I wanted my family to see some of Alaska, so we took a drive along the shore to look at the snow capped mountains, not going to far just in case I were to go into labor. We strolled around town and all the while in my head I was noticing that the mild contractions were 6 minutes apart.  My Mom kept looking at me wondering if something was happening because she knew I was timing, but I didn't say much about them, because I figured they were like all of the other contractions and would be gone by the time I went to bed that night. They weren't uncomfortable, or changing, or any different than the ones I had been having the previous weeks, except that they were a bit more frequent.
That night I had trouble sleeping.  I was feeling restless, like I needed to go to the bathroom but never got the feeling that I could actually empty my bladder. I got up over and over, finally falling asleep at 1:30 in the morning. At 4:23, I leaped from the bed clutching my rock hard belly with an "ow!" I stood there a little surprised, then got back in bed, only to shoot from it once more with another strong contraction.  I went to the bathroom and my legs were a little shaky, but still I wondered if this was actually it.  I woke up my husband Eric, and he wanted to call Barbara right away, as she'd be the one to meet us at the birth center.  I asked him not to call yet, even though contractions were strong at four minutes apart.  I hopped in the shower and moaned through them as they picked up to every two minutes. He called her and since I was due for antibiotics and she didn't think it would be a very long labor, she asked us to meet her at the birth center right away.  I had hoped to stay at home as long as possible, but the birth center feels like home anyway, so I was fine with the plan.  Things were moving quickly.  I whispered to Eric that I was nervous as he helped me to get dressed, but mostly I was so anxious to see what would come next. At the birth center (5:15am) I got in bed to have my antibiotics started, and Barb checked me-- I was 8 cm and shocked.  Such relief.  I sat on the toilet through a few contractions, texting my sisters and lighting candles, then moved to the bath.  Laura, Sarah and Felicity arrived, and I was feeling so supported.  Generally we don't have that many midwives and birth assistants at the births, but I had asked that they be there, and they all came which I am so greatful for.  I had hopes of a water birth, but my plan all along was to have no plan, to be flexible and do whatever was working the best.  The tub felt wonderful, taking away the weight of my swollen legs, and my contracting belly. Barb asked if I wanted her to break my water since all that needed to happen was Henry needed to come down a bit lower.  I said that would be fine, I didn't want much intervention but this was a step that was helpful, and it was my choice so I was very comfortable with it. I moved to the shower and labored on my knees, arms wrapped over an exercise ball while Eric sat next to me spraying my back with the hot water. I was grunting at the very peaks of the contractions feeling slightly pushy, though only Eric could hear it.  We moved to the bed and though I wasn't entirely complete, Barb and Laura said I could give a few pushes to see how it went.  He was moving down with them and I was quickly completely dilated.  As I started to push, I slipped into a completely different place in my mind and body. I was no longer feeling pain with the contractions, but just an incredible (and uncomfortable) urge to push. In between, I was almost asleep.  Everyone was quiet for the most part, my eyes were closed, I was relaxed.  I think I joked around a bit in between, about not wanting anyone to touch my water bottle but those details are a bit hard to remember.  The pushes though, were intense, and I was loud during them. Instinctual.  The feeling as he got lower was more painful than the contractions themselves.   I had no concept of time during that stage, but I know that about 30 minutes after they said I was complete, they placed Henry on my belly. It was amazing.  Everything felt so right, so very calm.  We were not separated once, Henry and I. Sarah (birth assistant, friend, lactation consultant) helped us to breastfeed and Henry and I slipped into a bath with herbs to relax afterwards. A very tired mama, and a very relaxed baby.

I've been asked many times if it was strange giving birth with my bosses and coworkers, but it was so far the opposite. I was encouraged to just enjoy it like the patient that I was, not the birth assistant that I was used to being.  It was definitely interesting to be on the other side of it, and I loved it. The whole experience. Everyone was surrounding me with support but giving Eric the space to be my main support person.  It was a perfect day for us both.  3 hours after he was born, the three of us headed home to nap in our own bed. I left with such a sense of relief, that it was over, but a little sad for the same reason because it was such a special, experience.  I have never been so proud in my life.