Sunday, August 18, 2013

Moving forward.

I wish I wasn't in this never-ending writing rut.  I'm trying to be patient with myself because there has been so incredibly much going on, and I know my priorities need to be my family.  But I truly do crave writing here, and yet when I find a few minutes of spare time to do so, I just stare blankly at the screen.  I think part of it is just being exhausted and not knowing where to start again after such a long break, and I think part of me doubts that I have anything to share since I write infrequently enough the past few months that every time I do it's just catch-up and nothing more.  I grow frustrated with myself when I realize that's what is happening.
I have been working on Violet's birth story, so that will be up in the very near future.  And a few projects I'm working on in the new house.  We moved into a much smaller space than we've been in before, and my desire to make it cozy and colorful and inviting is ever-growing.  I'm obsessed with making it feel like home, even though it's only our home for a year.  I think due to the sensitive timing of it all (Vi was only a few weeks old during this whole process) I'm becoming obsessed with settling into it quickly.  For everyone's sake, I want it to feel like home as soon as possible.  What the place looks like doesn't really matter, I realize, but I also think that when a place suits your personalities and makes you feel good, your level of comfort and happiness all around grows too.  I feel stressed when things are cluttered, and calm when not.  So there's that, just trying to unpack and keep up, and do work on the place.  We have also been wildly busy at work the past couple of weeks.  Eric is working on a number of projects that are due in a short period of time, which means very full days and some weekends too.  And on my end, our lactation consultant has been out of the country for two weeks which has made me doubly busy as I stand in.  I am so glad she's back this week since she teaches me all that she knows, but I am so grateful for these past two weeks of pure experience.  I think that is so important in learning, and it just confirmed (not that I needed more confirmation, but it's always nice) that I have absolutely found the right career path for me.  I have loved every moment.  It has felt great to be busier at work, but has also had me feeling like all I do is rush.  I think it's just still just adjusting to getting both kids up and ready and out of the house on time to get where we need to be.  I have had to remind myself on my days off to really slow down and just enjoy our time together and not rush everyone.  The days are going so quickly and the weeks even quicker.  Looking at Violet and pictures of her over the past few weeks are proof of that.  I feel like she's so brand new still when in reality, she's nearly two months old.  That's brand new in the big picture,  but there's a big difference between a very newborn and a two month old.  So much changes so dang fast.
I'm trying to slow myself down, but life itself isn't slowing whatsoever around here.  We have appointments for the kids this week, and next week Henry will be having a very big day that we're all nervous for and anxious about.  I'm sure I'll be writing about it during the week, but I now feel like I've updated enough that I hope from here on out I can move forward here.  Write more, connect more, be more present, share more, and therefore remember more.  A tired postpartum brain isn't so great for remembering special little moments days after they've happened.  But that's what photos and written words are for.  Telling stories here will fill in where my tired memory is lacking.  I love that.

I've already very nearly given up on photographing the two of them together.  It's nearly impossible.  

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Where We've Been

We moved...again.  This time only across town, but it was still a bit unexpected and took a toll on each one of us.  It seems that stillness is just not in the cards for us these days.  I think both Eric and I sometimes crave a quiet consistency in our day to day lives, but at the same time, all of these changes that seem to constantly head our way keep us on our toes and part of me doesn't mind.  We are becoming pros at packing up and moving, though we hate that part equally.  I should clarify, Eric is becoming a pro at packing.  I have been considerably less helpful in that department as I was pregnant and exhausted in March, and had a newborn constantly on my chest during the move this last week.  We are ready to make this place feel like home until we actually choose one to be our own in the future.  I have to say, packing up and moving your family and life just a few weeks after having a baby is quite a drag, in my opinion. We are running ourselves ragged trying to make it a smooth transition, mostly for Henry, while keeping up with all of the changes.  We are lucky in that he handles the change well, but I can safely say this move has come with a bit of guilt for adding to the already enormous changes in his life.  Cross-country move, me going back to work, a new sister, and then another move to a different house.  The first two days here he kept asking to go back home, and cried once that this isn't "Hessy's house".  He has since adjusted and likes going to "the new house" but it's still just what feels like a million boxes and piles closing in on us.  It's not home yet, but I'm confident that it will be cozy with time.  Moving aside, we are well and happy.  I hate that I have yet to write Violet's birth story, yet to write about life's changes since she's been here, and even had intended to write one last post about the end of pregnancy that obviously didn't happen.  She is 7 weeks tomorrow and it's simply hard to believe that these weeks have flown as fast as they have.  It almost feels like my window to type all of these things out has passed, though I know I'll kick myself if I don't.  So, I will.
Our time has been so full, but not all of it stolen by the hassle of moving.  We have also gone camping and dip-netting for salmon (which H loved), had grandparents visit, and have both been very busy at work. We spent an alarmingly small amount of time just resting and adjusting to life as a family of four, but it's well and good because Violet has just blended right in and it feels natural to be the four of us now.  In a hormonal haze after having her, I was for whatever reason bummed that things seemed so "normal".  I kept saying it was like nothing huge had just happened, because things did seem so natural.  It was like she was most definitely meant to be here with us, right now.  As the hormones settled I of course realized that it was a good thing that life went on like normal but with another little love to enjoy.  I think things were just different the second time around.  More on all of that later.