Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Not Each Day Is Easy

I would say the majority of our days here have been fine.  Good, even.  And when there are multiple days like that and I'm feeling like we are finding our groove, it's easy to forget that we are still in the beginning stages of this big change, and not every day is going to be smooth.  I was definitely reminded of this today.  Well really, this week in general.  The fact that I've been in a funk is undeniable.  Henry and I have a pretty established little routine day to day, but I know it's not a long term reflection of what our days will look like, and I'm just getting incredibly anxious to get our plans sorted out.  I think we are both bored on occasion, as we don't see many other people than just each other.  Don't get me wrong, he's my very favorite person in this world to spend time with, but it's hard starting over knowing no one.  It leads us to do the same things over and over again most days, which I don't think he minds quite as much as I do.  But I'm trying to be creative.  I know I'm lucky that we get to be together all day long, even if it is just the two of us most days, and I need to make the most of it because one day we will be busy again. I do not want to whine away in this space, so for tonight I am relaxing, and feeling more positive as I sit here and recharge.  With a glass of wine in hand, I'm searching for more activities to do with Henry, so that his days are full of fun, exploration, and adventure.  I am also dreaming of carving time for activities that center and inspire me. And as always, trying to just continuously work on being content with the now.  I can get so stir crazy, and while I love to wander and explore, I truly want to enjoy the slower days as well.  It's a constant battle for me, enjoying slower paces and not losing sight of patience.  I am a busy person by nature, while I crave a slow day here and there in the midst of incredibly busy days, I thrive in the faster pace.  Right now I'm adjusting to the exact opposite, and am hoping to be patient with myself and those around me while I do.

As always,
thanks for listening.

3 comments:

  1. Starting over is hard, sis. And being home with one baby can get very lonely and boring, and that isn't a bad thing. We love our kids more than anything, but we weren't meant to be with only them, every day, with nothing else- it's not meant to be this way. I thought the same thing when I started staying home with Sydney- I thought I was bad for being bored at times, but she woke up at 6 am every day, was ready to leave by 7 and I was still rubbing my eyes and trying to wake up. Adults are not toddlers, ready to go, go, go every minute- we have other interests that can't be fed by these little people we adore and love. It is okay to leave him to find peace for yourself sometimes too- this is something I didn't learn until years later, so take it from me if you want to- Henry will benefit from spending some time with other children and caretakers and you will benefit by making new friends, feeling like "Victoria" and finding that your are better as a mom and wife if you feed the hunger in you. I am always happy after I've done a photo session- I got to be creative, I had conversation with other adults, I got to drive in the car and listen to my music and have my own thoughts and I had some time to reflect on how much I miss my kids, because I had time to miss them. Space is good and balance is better. There has to be balance, especially when you have that as an option, so think about it- you miss Alaska because you had a great job there and coworkers and friends. You can have all of that here, too. Henry can only benefit from it and the two of you will enjoy your days together more if you've had a little space apart. It took me several years to realize this and now I laugh thinking back. Well, I don't really laugh, I actually smack my self on the forehead and say, "duh!" :)

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  2. As a mother of three now, I totally agree with Rachel's post. I went through all the same feelings of endearing being home with my children to feeling crazy being home with my children. My youngest is two now and I am back at PT work and graduate school and loving the balance (but missing the slower pace at times). Like Rachel said, don't deny those yearnings. You don't deny yourself a toothbrush when you feel like you need to brush your teeth to be healthy; the same goes for not denying your soul the balance it needs for health. (OK, maybe brushing your teeth is not the best analogy...)

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  3. I agree 100% He LOVED going to Erica's in Anchorage, seeing the other babies, etc. It was great because it allowed me to work a little while being completely comfortable in where he was spending the time, and he was benefiting too. We are looking into a similar situation here next week. It's all temporary, I have to remind myself that! When I'm back to work I'll wish I was with him more so I need to just enjoy where I am. But we will definitely be carving out a bit more time for me to do things for myself and him to see some other kiddos!

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