I don't want to be one of those parents who is so afraid of their kids growing up that they don't let them do it. But I am just a bit afraid.
I think I'll get over it with time, because all of Henry's new stages are so much fun that it's hard to miss days gone by, and because I do of course want him to grow to be independent and confident and not feel smothered by his mama. When he's up in bed though like he is now, I have time to think of those days, and I am allowing myself just a few moments to soak in the feelings, as raw as they may be, that come with being a new mother...
What a huge responsibility. I still remember the smell of my mom when I'd rest my head under her chin. In my old neurotic ways I would come to her in a frenzy, undoubtedly worried about something ridiculous and I'd come to her for answers. Whatever she told me was fact in my mind. I rested on every single word she said and now I'm that person for H. I'm a safe place for him, and it's my job to be warm and open and understanding despite what is going on in my own corner of the world, my job to protect him. I cannot imagine life as a child without that security and I'm thankful that I get the chance to be that person to baby H.
Every stage is just amazing. Well, every stage other than the let's not sleep anymore stage. That one is a great exercise in patience and remembering everything I just said, to be calm and comforting even when I don't understand why he suddenly doesn't like to sleep as well.
|Henry's new thing! He likes to be up and active, this one. I don't miss sleep anymore when I see that smile. I'd stay up all year for that!|
|cat-napping at work while we can|