Wednesday, June 8, 2011

And so it begins

A few weeks ago, I could stomp around the house if I wanted to and carry on conversations using something much louder than my "inside" voice without waking H up. I could set him down while sleeping with ease (while he sleeps, I don't carry him while I sleep) and the little guy would just stay asleep. Being a newborn is exhausting clearly.  Apparently being an almost- not- a- newborn- anymore at a whopping 10 weeks changes things,
I love that sometimes when he sleeps he still makes the same smooshy face he did when he was first born

because I find myself now doing things like tiptoeing around whispering to Finn like an idiot, spending 2 minutes opening the trash compactor (that's right, we have an old school trash compactor) with all the gentleness I can find so that I don't wake the baby who is sleeping upstairs. I wear him the majority of the time, and when I'm not wearing him I'm usually still holding him, and now suddenly this week, when I'm not holding him he thrashes about until his (big) little eyes pop open and the waterworks begin. And so I sit on the couch for hours on end so that he can get his rest, and I grow lazy.  I sit from my couch perch surveying the house thinking of each and every thing I need to get done but don't have time to do.  Well the 3 hours I just spent sitting on the couch would have been prime time.  So now I'm trying to snuggle my baby and then put him in bed to sleep so that I can get a few things done around here. I was able to do the dishes, eat some cereal, wash sheets and put them back on the bed, hang up Henry's laundry to dry, wipe the counters and scrub the sink.  I go back and forth telling myself that in no time at all he'll be large and mobile and cuddling for hours will be more difficult, so everything else can wait... and in some ways this is true. But I know if I don't accomplish anything at all, I'll be grumpy each day as I come in the door and see those hideous dust bunnies floating around the floor, or yesterday's dinner stuck to my sink.  I need to find a balance. This morning as I tried to lay a crabby baby down for a nap only to have him wake back up each time I felt utterly stressed out. I questioned myself and wondered if I have been doing the right things and did I somehow make it so that he can no longer sleep comfortably etc. (The things I come up with, I tell ya) Tonight he went down easily for the most part, I feel surrounded by a cleaner space, and I know that little guy is up there right next to my place in bed waiting for me and I'll get my cuddles again then.  I wish I could just will my house to get clean, thank you notes to write themselves, so I could do nothing but stare at my tiny little love and hold him close.

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